Many people believe that long distance relationships are never
going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of
your friends may advise you not to take it too serious, in case you
get your heart broken.
Nobody says it is going to be easy, the extra distance makes many
things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you could
get sad and lonely at times.
However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the
sweetest, being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating
together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a
walk together, smelling each other’s hair. These small wishes
could suddenly mean so much more in a long distance
Long distance relationship may be tough but it has its own
surprises too. To keep your love alive and strong, here are tips to
make your long distance relationship work:
Avoid excessive communication
It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t
really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the
relationship going. Many couples thought that they need to
compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it
might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of
“loving”. Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming, you
are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at
the right moments and tugging at the right spots.
See it as an opportunity
“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live
apart.” – Anonymous.
View it as a learning journey for the both of you. See it as a test of
your love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real gold is
not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long
distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe
that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together
As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,
“I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close,
rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee
Set some ground rules to manage your expectations
Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of with each
other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules
so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by
surprise. For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the
other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s
better to be open with each other about all these things.
Try to communicate regularly, and creatively
Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day, this
is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life
and its happening, however mundane some of the things may
seem. To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and
short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you
make the other person feel loved and attended to.
Avoid “dangerous” situations
If you already know that going to the party or going drinking with
your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then
you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so
as to reassure him/her. Don’t be careless about this sort of matter
because your partner is only going to be extra worried or extra
suspicious, and of course, very upset, because you are putting
him/her in a position where he/she feels extra powerless/lacking
Also, it could be easy for you to fall into the trap which you,
unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with
your office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy
from your past who has been flirting with you. You need to
recognize the dangers before entering into the situation. Don’t just
listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too.
Do things together
Play an online game together. Watch a documentary on YouTube
or Vimeo at the same time. Sing to each other on Skype while one
of you plays the guitar. “Take a walk together” outside while video-
calling each other. Go online-shopping together and buy each other
gifts. Do video call together when you are cooking sometimes, so
that it will feel like your partner is helping you in the kitchen. Call
your partner through whatsapp video call when you are folding
your clothes or rearranging your wardrobe. You really have to be
creative and spontaneous about it.
Do similar things
Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news, etc to each
other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get
to have more topics in common to talk about. This is good to
create some shared experiences even though you are living apart.
Make visits to each other
Visits are the highlight of every long distance relationship. After all
the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet
each other which are all common to other couples but so very
special and extra intimate for people in long distance relationships.
It will be like fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows and
Have a goal in mind
“What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are
we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the
questions you two need to ask yourselves. The truth is, no couple
can be in a long distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all
need to settle down.
So make a plan with each other. Do up a timeline, marking down
the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end
goal. It is important that you two are on the same page and have
the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same
space and the same timezone, both of you are still working
together in the same direction towards a future that includes one
Enjoy your alone time and your time with your friends and family
You are alone but you are not lonely, unless you choose to feel like
it. You don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner,
you still have you, your friends and your family. Take this time
apart to do more with your friends and family. Go to the gym more
often. Get a new hobby. Watch shows. There are plenty of things
for you to do that doesn’t involve your partner.
Stay honest with each other
Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy,
whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that
secret will sooner or later swallow you up from inside out. Don’t try
to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each
other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need.
It’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only
disclose it when it’s all too late.
Know each other’s schedules
It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he/
she is free, so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right
time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when he/she is in
the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Know
the small and big events that are taking place or will take place in
each other’s life e.g semester break and exams, important
business trips and meetings, job interviews, etc. This is especially
essential when both of you are living in different time zones.
Keep track of each other’s social media activities
Like each other’s photos on Facebook and Instagram. Tweet each
other. Tag each other. Share things on each other’s walls. Like and
comment on each others post. Show that you care. Be cool about
stalking each other.
Gift is a personal object for the other person to hold on to
There is power in a memento. Be it a small pendent, a ring, a
keychain, a CD of songs and videos, or a bottle of fragrance. We
often attach meanings to the little things and items found in our
everyday life, whether knowingly or not. This is what we all do, we
try to store memories in physical things, in hope that when our
mind fails us, we can look or hold on to something that will help us
remember. This is why something so simple can mean so much to
a person, when others may see little or no value in it.
You need to be constantly injecting positive energy into the long
distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be
painful and you can sometimes feel lonesome but you need to
remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven.
One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be
thankful that you have someone to love, someone who also loves
you back. Be thankful for the little things, be thankful for each
other’s health and safety.
Video-call whenever possible
Because looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s
voices can make everything feel alright again.