3 major factors that destroy marriages

There are three major things that can destroy your marriage very
quickly: unrepented adultery, incessant abuse and uncaring
abandonment. Those are not what I want to talk about. The
effects of those, I call them the big As of marriage death.
But if you’d rather kill your marriage slowly such that you begin by
cracking it a little and continue to widen the gap until it becomes an
impassable chasm, the following are your go-to strategies.
1. CONSTANT ACCUSATIONS
Constantly accuse your spouse. You’re a liar, you’re a cheat, blah
blah blah. Call them prostitutes because you saw a ‘questionable’
text message. Blatantly refuse to give him/her the benefit of the
doubt. Afterall you’re not a fool. Speak in a way that your spouse
always have to defend themselves. Jump to conclusions quickly.
Refuse to accept their explanations and apologies. Insist on
labelling them. These will drive a wedge between you two.
Love believes the best of the other person, to slowly destroy your
marriage, do the exact opposite: believe the worst about your
spouse and make sure they know it!
2. INVALIDATE THEIR HUMANITY
Invalidate your spouse regularly. Use words like: idiot, stupid, fool,
ugly. If you want this strategy to work even faster, call them
names like witch, devil, bastard. Better, use phrases that question
their humanity and their right to exist. Phrases like “so you call
yourself a man”? “Are you a woman at all”?
Drum it into their ears that you regret marrying them. It’s not
enough to think these things, lots of us married people think it
during conflict but we never say it, but thinking it won’t destroy
your marriage, you need to say it to your spouse often if you want
to destroy your marriage. But then, there’s the mother of all
invalidation: tell them you wish them dead and mean it!
We constantly move towards people who affirm our worth and
build our esteem. To drive your spouse away from you, you need
to do the opposite. Invalidating a human being is attacking their
right to live and so is equivalent to murder according to a 1st
century Jewish Rabbi. So, you can attack your spouse’s self
esteem until they either commit suicide or are forced to leave your
life. Either way you get your wish.
Use strategy two carefully though. To invalidate another human
being who was created by God in His own image is to invalidate
the God who made them. This may incur upon you the wrath of
God, but then there’s no price too high to pay if you want to
destroy your marriage. Or is there?
3. ALIENATION
A third effective strategy for destroying your marriage is to
alienate your spouse. You have several options here: you can
alienate them physically, emotionally or financially. Stone wall him
or her, refuse to talk, move out of the bedroom into your children’s
room, stay there for months even after they’ve made moves to
reconcile. Refuse to see a counsellor, starve them of resources if
you’re the bread winner.
Marriage exists for mutual meeting of needs. While conflict will
often lead to break in service, by refusing to solve problems
quickly you can punish your spouse by letting them go for a long
time starved of the service you bring to them. It’s a very good way
of writing yourself out of your partner’s heart and their lives.
If you do these things, I guarantee you won’t have a marriage
much longer. I mean, you may continue to live in the same house
like co-tenants but joy and intimacy will be very far from you both.

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2 Comments

  1. Na true

  2. Nice speech

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