The importance of maintaining the right relationship cannot be
overemphasized. The right relationship can literally transform your
life because we are relational beings. In the same vein, the wrong
relationship can destroy you.
There are three kinds of relationships that people get into. We will
be looking at these three kinds of relationships so you can decide
for yourself if you are where you really want to be.
1. Negative or Parasitic Relationships
This is the kind of relationship where there is negative growth.
When there is negative growth in relationships, yesterday is
always better than today. The emotional bank account is always in
deficit. That tells you something is wrong.
In negative relationships, abuse is usually common as one party
tries to dominate the other. It is about gaining control over the
other party in the relationship.
Me, myself and I are recurring decimals in a negative relationship
and because there is little or no trust in such relationships, other
negative vices show up – anger, rage, suspicions, accusations,
Why do people stay in negative relationships?
Social status. The I-am-married mentality. They will continue to
remain in a negative relationship just to be seen as being in a
relationship. To them, a bad marriage is better than no marriage.
Religious Affiliation. Some religious sect will never allow
separation even when there is obvious abuse going on.
The assumption that all relationships are like that. When you have
never tasted heaven, you think everywhere is hell.
Learned Helplessness. They get to the point where they believe no
one can help them anymore.
Presence of children: Where there are kids, they become the
excuse for remaining in a negative relationship.
2. Neutral Relationships
This is where the majority of people who think they are in a happy
relationship actually are.
In this category of relationship, there is little or no friction so the
parties usually seem happy. There are no major issues, no major
challenges, so they just maintain the status quo.
In Neutral relationships, there is considerable income that meets
the needs of the family and we know that when money issues are
met in the family, a large chunk of issues is taken care of.
Those in this category are usually happy because there are no
abuses. They mistake neutral for positive, but they are not in a
The problem with Neutral relationships is that the absence of these
issues is also an indication of a lack of growth and growth is very
important in relationships.
Proof of lack of growth is the resistance to change. They will
rather do everything just to maintain the present level of comfort
than to adjust to a little discomfort. A relationship where the
parties resist change is a neutral relationship.
Then there is a lack of drive. The desire to go after bigger goals is
absent. There are no new projects in sight. The fear of failure is
present in the relationship so “let’s just maintain what we have.”
In Neutral relationships, there is really nothing great to look out
for. No new accomplishments, no new visions. The parties are
what they still would have been without the relationship. In other
words, the relationship has not really made a significant difference
in the lives of the couple.
3. Positive or Synergic Relationships
This is the kind of relationship where both parties are fully
committed to the growth of the relationship. It requires continuous
effort from the parties in the relationship and continuous
While there are negative frictions in negative relationships, in
positive relationships there are positive frictions. Both parties want
what is best for the relationship. They place the relationship over
their personal interests.
In a positive relationship, your objective is to make your partner
better while your partner’s objective is to make you better. This
helps to build the trust that is lacking in negative relationships and
where there is trust, those vices of rage, accusations, constant
fighting, etc, are not present.
In a positive relationship, the partners are better together than they
would have been as separate individuals.
There you have it, the three kinds of relationship. Which category
will you place your relationship? Negative, Neutral, or Positive. The
idea is for you to move towards a positive relationship.
If you want to achieve positive relationship, you must be a person
of substance yourself. You cannot give what you don’t have. You
must have the right resources to help you.
One of such resources is being in a community that is constantly
growing. A community that will help you become the best version