1. There are simple secrets about dating, courting and getting
married. You who are single, we need to Pay attention to going forward.
2. Simplicity! Do not condone and excuse complex relationships and people. If your relationship cannot simplify them, marriage to them will complicate you.
3. Talking about simplicity, you aren’t in the right union if you
aren’t able to communicate at the level of friendship. I know about
respectability and all but this is going to be marriage and not
employment. It is not Boss versus Subordinate.
4. Listen deep! Stop being excessively emotional and distracted by
how you have been swept off your feet by this love! Listen to them,
their conduct, their words and reaction to life is defining their
future. Make sure it is painting the future you are ready to share
before you proceed.
5. Not everyone who falls in love with you is meant for you. Learn
to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty.
6. Many people are paying attention to PITY and getting into
relationships they will ultimately regret. Nobody will die because
you refuse to date them, it’s an old lie and blackmail. You are not
an ’emotional philanthropist’, cut pity out of this please.
7. Never ever pay attention to ‘now’ at the expense of ‘tomorrow’.
Whatever they are and have is not the issue. What are their goals
and drive? What preoccupies their preparations and define their
dreams? They may not know it all but how much of themselves do
they know and plan for?.
8. If you have to keep giving yourself excuses for the relationship
to survive, you will run out of excuses in marriage. Whilst
forbearing is important, the purpose of dating and courtship is to
find the right person.
9. Everything that happens in marriage showed up somehow in
10. Don’t get the pattern wrong. The person first, then the
marriage. If your desperation for the marriage overtakes the
consideration of the person, you will settle for anything and that’s
11. Painfully, some people are paying attention to who is ‘hot’ in
their friends opinion. What are you and God thinking about them?
Don’t be carried away with the voice of those who ‘pair people’ or
who feel ‘you are a perfect match’.
12. The worse part is that girls are paying a lot of attention to boys who can be boys and ‘yoppy’. How awkward, when she is actually
hoping to marry a MAN! So, Whilst he should be contemporary
enough, how much of a man do you see emerging?.
13. Thank you Mr. Guy who wants the hottest girl who can twerk and bubble. You try, whereas in your heart you are desperate for a calm, collected woman. Don’t get carried away with your first desire, combine the balance of girl and woman in her to be really safe.
14. If the relationship is failing, it is failing. You can only hide it from us for so long before it blows up. Stop holding on when it is
gone because you are afraid or ashamed to face the rest of us and
tell us that what you once had is lost. Quit the bondage.
15. This is hard to say but it is the truth. Whatever your marriage
becomes, you had the chance to choose it.
16. Dating and Courtship is the platform to access the ability of your supposed future partner to communicate with you. This ought
to be top of the list. Communication is one of the biggest threats in
17. Values! Don’t manage to carry on when values are at crossroads. People don’t just abandon their convictions because they married you, they express it more instead because they got you after all.
18. A lot of marriages are frustrated because the couple have more to fight about than honour for themselves. You must pay attention to the law of honour in your dating and courting. Inherent in their action, reaction and decisions towards you, must be the demonstration of basic concepts of honour which are thoughtfulness, reasonableness and deference for outcome, feelings and well being.
19. Do you understand their fears? Pay close attention, everyone you meet is dealing with certain fears. Can you live with, help deal with or not be able to handle those fears?.
20. Who or what really got their heart? Forget that they are in your
life by way of relationship. If from dating and courting they demonstrate that something else is their biggest priority, who told you that in marriage you suddenly will top the chart?.
21. I do not mean judge them but how many relationships have they come from to be in your life? What actually happened and why did they step out of those relationships? These answers must come from their mouth in clear and direct speech.
22. If they are not honest about their past, they cannot truly be honest about their future.
23. Please cut all these excuses of ‘he is just quite” or “she is
introverted”, at least you asked each other out and agreed; you can
talk, be open and honest. This is where the worse marriages are
made. People who don’t talk to themselves and build the bridge of
24. The worse way people go into marriage is to ‘baselessly’ assume on what you will meet inside. Let your conversation build your expectation. Don’t imagine a palace when you are with a servant-minded brother or sister.
25. It may sound simple but it is very complex and break a lot of
homes. How do you square up on neatness, hygiene, meals, hobbies, and the basic things of desires. Compatibility is not sameness but flows from the laws of accommodation, tolerance and acceptance.
26. Who do they honour and defer to? That is secret to the kind of
values they uphold and will ultimately become.
27. What do they excuse and trivialize? They will permit it in your
28. What hurts them? What do they desperately fight?.
29. What are they struggling with? What if they never change or successfully beat the struggle? Would you be happy to live happily
ever after with them if nothing about that struggle changes?.
30. What fills the content of their anger? What do they do with rage? How do they generally handle being tripped? Your marriage will be the ground for perfecting these reactions.
31. What is their attitude to money? What would they do and how far are they ready to go because of money? If you don’t know this, you don’t know who you are about to marry.
32. What is their attitude to God? I don’t mean, do they attend church? I mean, what is their personal conviction, reaction and disposition to God in the honesty of their heart?.
33. Be frank with yourself, what is your real motivation for being
with them? Age, pressure or what? Do you really want to spend the
rest of your life with them?.