Benefits of being a male as to female

If only I knew the benefits that came with being male, I would have paid the bribe to be one. I sat and thought to myself, what kind of bribe would an angel accept? And to answer that, my mind is leaning more to a smile. Strong enough to be considered a smile but subtle enough so the others on the queue wouldn’t notice. But there is a catch, it has to be crooked, a lopsided grin to the right. That’s when they’ll know you want to be male. So all the guys will do that and get passed a penis and a pair of balls.
Then comes us, Beyoncé loving feministic bitter genderless beings, of course at the time, we had no idea we’ll be that. So we try to send out the hint that we wanted to be males too, only problem is, Beyoncé has already ruined our chances, and so instead of smiling to the right, we go…to the left..to the left. And there goes our only chance of ever being males.
Why didn’t anyone tell me to smile to the right, get my male parts and zoom off to earth? Then once I clock fourteen and my voice deepens, I begin to feel like I am God’s gift to women; and then at eighteen, I scavenge and pretend to find a pathway to making a living in the future. In my early twenties, I then double, triple and quadruple date as many girls as I can possibly handle, and tell them how I am the best thing to have happened to them since slice bread. Then in my mid to late twenties, when I am tired of all the chores, like breathing in oxygen and out carbondioxide, I find an innocent girl and lie to her that I am a King and she can be the queen of my kingdom.
When the unfortunate girl agrees and we are married, I will then exhale because I have finally found my very own human slave. I then sit on my makeshift throne and issue out commands, after all, I did her a favour and married her—for in those days, seven women shall cling to one man.
She’ll wash my clothes, clean my house, take care of my kids, cook all my meals, fresh meal, no matter the time of day, always pray for me, oh and have s3x with me at my own request in my own time.
I will never disclose my earnings to her but she must at any increment, fill me in on the extra dime that increases or decreases in her salary, I am a man.
I will go out and come in as I will, she must never ask my whereabouts, I am a man.
For the day I pick a ‘queen’, I find myself a slave. She must appreciate me when I pick up the baby for her when s/he is sleeping in the living room and lay them down in their beds.
She must genuflect when greeting me and like Sarah, she must call me ‘lord’.
She must never complain about my behaviour to my family, her family, or the church. She must always respect and submit to me like the Bible says.
Oh, and here is my best part. She must never say a word when she catches me cheating, for I shall tell her off and ask her to watch ‘war room’ and pray, because it was her nagging that pushed me to the waiting arms of another woman.
And after I am done doing this mean and hateful things to her, I shall claim to be a Christian, heeding to the commands that says I am to love my wife as Christ loved the church.

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3 Comments

  1. Good update

  2. Ok

  3. Update

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