The introduction of social media may have helped in more ways than people care to admit

The introduction of social media may have helped in more ways than people care to admit. From helping people to make lasting business relationships to actually playing the match-making role, social media has indeed influenced relationships.
Perhaps, it is with this in mind that a beautiful young Nigerian lady took to the Twitter platform to commence her search for a boyfriend in a rather bold manner that has been applauded.
Taking to the platform, the 22-year-old lady identified as Kennymiles revealed she is tired of long-distance relationships and would only be interested if the person resided in the same town as herself.
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She wrote: “Boyfriend needed Abuja based. 5’9 and above. Any complexion but not too dark so I won’t be scared at night. Must have sense! Very important. Working or have a business. Must not be fat or chubby, I already am. So that our stomachs won’t touch. Well spoken English.”
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She went further to add more specifications: “Sapiosexual Excellent dress sense. A great cook. Hopeless romantic Vocal! Communication is key cos I talk too much. Not be money conscious. Intelligent n smart worker. Awesome social life but not a smoker pls. Im all these n more
Tired of distance relationships. “ABUJA BASED” I’ll be 22 August so preferably from 24 and above cos most of my age mates dnt have sense I forgot to add good looking too And I’m a bit skeptical about tribe too cos of my family. We mustn’t marry!!! We must talk everyda y.”

WHO IS A PARENT?

WHO IS A PARENT?

The family is the first school every child has to attend in life because what he/she learns at home in both the childhood and teenagers exceeds by far what is learnt for the rest of life put together. The United Nations convention recognizes in its preamble that the family is the fundamental group of society and the natural environment for the growth and well-being of all its members, particularly children.

There are parents and there are parents but the big question is who is an ideal parent?

P- A parent is a PRIEST. You should ensure the family altar is alive and also show your children the path to God. In other words, God’s word is the primary tool for winning the war over your children. Gloria Copeland said in one of her books that you can pray in the spirit over the lives of your children, whether they are there or not with all intensity of purpose and God will reveal what is happening to them wherever they might be. Pray for them, pray over them and teach them how to pray.

A- A parent is AVAILABLE; Jesse Jackson said “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” In other words, they want your company more than what you provide for them. If you truly love your children, make time from inspite of your busy or crowded schedule; there is no amount of success at your workplace that can complement, replace or substitute for failure at home. Do things at your level, your future is waiting for you.

R- A parent is a REFERENCE; Some parents keep their children out of sight, answering the persistent questions (which are normal for their age) by saying “You are too young to know” or “Don’t bother me with that now”. Eventually out of curiosity, the children will ask their mates who will most certainly give them a wrong explanation.

Be the primary source of information and advice for your children, as such, you must always interact with them.

E- A parent is an EXAMPLE; Sometime ago, someone told me how a parent called the school her child was to write an examination to ask if someone can be allowed to write the examination for the daughter. The truth is any parent who indulges in such act is not a good example. Tomorrow, that child will also will also in cheating, exam malpractice or cutting corners to make it in life; moreover, be conscious of how you behave in their presence, how you dress, the way you drive, the company you keep and the kind of programs you watch or the music you listen to. Remember, your actions speak louder than your words.

N- A parent is NEUTRAL; No matter what children will always be children. Avoid dotting on one child to the detriment of the other children as it causes animosity, jealousy and unhealthy rivalry. Remember the child you pamper today will tamper with your peace of mind tomorrow.

T- A parent is a TRAINER; The Bible makes it clear in Proverbs 22:7 “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Nature itself supports that that you bend a stick when it is still fresh than when it is dry. As a parent, training your child is a conscious and deliberate act because it involves your total being in the areas of teaching, correction and role modelling. Training is an essential part of life and growth; to attain success or become successful, every child must go through the process of being trained.

The training starts when they are still children, not teenagers. Stop the procrastination and train them now.

So parents, it is important that this piece of information will enable us become better parents as we put them into practice.

 

 

My friend always makes bad choices

My friend always makes bad choice

Dear Bunmi,

I have this best friend who believes she’s unlucky in love. The problem is, she’s always falling for the wrong type of men. I always see through all these opportunistic boyfriends she introduces to me, but whenever I advise her, she goes off in a huff and tries to sever relationship with me.

When they eventually let her down, she comes running to me and pretends we’re still the best of friends. I like her a lot and I feel bad whenever she belittles herself with these men. What can I do to make her ‘see’ through men that are bad for her?

LoveTomi, by e-mail.

Dear Tomi,

Is it possible to ever try to talk anyone out of love? Even out of an ill-considered, ill-fated love? I used to try pretty regularly to discourage unwise lovers, and believe me, it can’t be done

Once the head-strong heart is up and running, the best a friend can do for a friend is be there when she falls out of love, so she can lean on you, but only until such time as she can stand on her own two feet.

I get the impression your friend could be so dependent on your help that she will keep getting into romantic scrapes in order to bind you to her!

Attending to important relationships

The two major challenges in maintaining close personal relationships are neglect (eg not putting time into the relationship) and not dealing constructively with conflict (thus letting problems fester until they are out of control). Being proactive in your personal relationships and attending to them (even when you don’t feel like it) is the key to keeping them happy supportive and personally satisfying

– Take time: Make sure to spend regular time with your partner, children, family and friends. One-to-one relaxed time, when you have plenty of space to chat and have fun together is best.

– Be present: In our busy lives a major challenge is simply not being present with the ones we love. Whether this is being spaced out or checking email when they are talking or being caught up worries or stress that you are not there for them.

– Express appreciation: Relationships are nurtured by frequent displays of appreciation. Whether these are simply kind words of thanks to an important colleague, a gift to an important friend, affection with your partner or a reassuring hug for a child, everyone needs to be appreciated and nurtured in close relationships

– Listen: Listening is most important communication skill of all. Taking time to understand the other person’s point of view is key to connecting with them, and is especially important as the first step to managing conflict.

– Learn to communicate: Relationships suffer when one person does not communicate about their needs and important issues or when they do they do it do it in an aggressive, explosive or dis-respectful way. Learning to talk respectfully and assertively is the second most important communication skill.

– Apologise and forgive: All close relationships will involve disappointment and getting hurt at times. Taking responsibility and apologising, when you have hurt someone and moving on and forgiving, when you have been hurt are key to maintaining relationships through hard times.

fashion tips for plus size girls

The fashion industry worldwide is beginning to get a lot more inclusive and this inclusivity has catered for a lot of people who were otherwise overlooked during production of outfits by fashion brands for whatever reason.

Plus size women were perhaps the most marginalized group but thanks to online clamor for change and the spread of awareness through mediums like social media, things are shifting and this past season marked the most size diverse fashion week in history, as there were more stylish options than ever for full-figured ladies, ranging from indie brands like “Girl With Curves” to commercial chains like Mango and H&M.
Here are some style tips to keep you glowing like the big beautiful woman you are;

1. Shop In The Right Size: Granted, sometimes it can be difficult to find clothes that perfectly fit but that should not be an excuse to wear the wrong size because doing so would draw unnecessary attention to you and even cause insensitive people to spew fat jokes at you. Shopping in the right size doesn’t mean buying oversized clothes because you have a big build, it simply means buying outfits that compliment your figure and fit you properly.

2. Don’t Be Afraid To Show A Little Skin: When pulling off a look to an event or even just a casual function, there’s nothing wrong with showing a little skin. A lot of plus size ladies tend to hide their bodies for fear of drawing too much attention or because they are not entirely comfortable with their bodies but this shouldn’t be a hinderance to your slay because in the words of Nelson Mandela, “It is your obligation to shine” so you owe it to yourself to look your best regardless of whatever anyone might feel.

3. Wear Outfits That Highlight Your Curves: If you’ve got it, flaunt it! Dressing up in sexy outfits that accentuate your curves are highly advised because they make you look all the more alluring and truly give you that sensual BBW figure. In addition, making you look oh so good, they will have you looking even hotter in pictures and turning necks wherever you go.

4. Sometimes Opt For Bespoke Over Readymade Outfits: Opting for tailored outfits over readymade is a great idea because you get to dictate how your outfit comes out and with the help of a good tailor, you could recreate any look you want and get your perfect fit.
You can equally get endless style inspiration from magazines and then proceed to select whatever looks you feel would work best for you.

5. Go For Clothes That Flatter Your Specific Shape: when shopping for new clothes it is important to note that not all curvy girls are the same. Maybe you’re a triangle or an hourglass, a diamond or an oval, a figure eight or inverted triangle. Whatever your shape, you need to consider what would work best for you.

Habits you think is bad in a relationship but normal

Relationships are huge tasks; these tasks often times presents itself in complicated and difficult manners. But the good thing is, people who find themselves in one see some pretty clear signals to know if the relationship is going to work or not. It is all about reading the handwriting on the wall, in other words, not ignoring the red flags.

However, it is also relevant to note that a relationship can never be perfect; the society has succeeded in painting a picture to many individuals that relationships must lead to a lifetime of commitment and unending love, but in reality, it is far from that. Hence the ideology that certain behaviors or habits exhibited in a relationship is toxic.

Things like the role of needing one’s space or time apart, dealing with dissatisfaction or having the urge to call it quits are normal, every day relationship issues. But, it doesn’t get talked about because the relationship automatically gets termed as Toxic.

With this in mind, here are common habits that aren’t toxic and should be seen in any different light henceforth.

Spending Time Apart

There are different scenarios where that friend (or even you) mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship. And it’s troubling, not just for us but for them.

When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires. One of these desires is to allow our lives to be consumed by the person we’re infatuated with. This feels great but it is quite intoxicating and the last time anyone checked, intoxications are not all so good.

The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love; you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.

It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner; during this time off, assert your independence, maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours and evaluate how the relationship has impacted your life. It is okay to have some separate friends.

Without this space or time apart, the fire between the two of you will die out and what were once love sparks will become only friction.

Accepting The Fact That Your Partner Isn’t Perfect

A lot of people expect their partner to get everything right, but have you ever really considered the fact that this person is only human?

You need to realize that every person has flaws and imperfections and at the same time, no matter how much you try, you can’t ever force a person to change.

Therefore, bear in mind [while choosing a partner] that you must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.

The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws. If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings — her obsession for clean surroundings, his introversive nature— and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings, well, then that’s a sign that things can work out.

It may be our perfections that attract one another. But it’s our imperfections that decide whether we stay together or not.

Be Willing To End It

Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.

Having the mindset of “Without you, I have no reason to live” only shows how toxic that relationship truly is. You should be able to exist with or without your significant other.

Worshipping our relationship as something more important than ourselves, our values, our needs and every other beautiful aspect of our lives, only creates a sick dynamic where there’s no accountability

The truth is, society has a terrible idea of what a “successful relationship” should be. If a relationship ends and someone’s not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person’s lives.

It is not a must that all relationships lead to marriage; sometimes you learn from the other person and move on to being a better human in society.

WHY SOME NIGERIANS ARE NOT INTERESTED IN MARRYING EARLY

A relationship expert and marriage counselor, Mope Ogunlusi, has attributed late marriages in the country to issues of genotype compatibility, financial status and parental influence on who a child should marry.

Mrs Ogunlusi, who has been a counselor and matchmaker for 15 years, disclosed this on Saturday in Osogbo in an interview with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN).

She said: “A lot of Nigerians are still single and unmarried despite reaching the marriageable age bracket because they often times find it difficult to find the right partners.

“The act of searching for a partner with the right genotype and looking for a financially capable partner are creating problems for singles in selecting a partner and often times eliminating the feeling of love.

“Sometimes, people fall in love just to find out that their genotypes are not compatible and this often times lead to searching all over for a new partner, often times leading to frustration if the same incompatibility keeps re-occurring.”

According to her, a lot of Nigerian singles now have little or no time to socialise and search for a life partner because of the financial pressure they face on daily basis.

“The need for financial security and meeting daily needs has created a routine life style for a lot of people and finding time to socialise has become difficult because of the time invested in searching for daily needs,’’ she said.

In addition to the financial security challenges individuals face, she said some ladies and men were becoming choosy in selecting their partners based on his or her financial position and status.

She said the trend of looking for rich men or ladies to marry was creating a corrupt cycle that eaten deep into the fabric of marriage as a sacred institution ordained by God.

She added that some parents set standards for their children on who to marry which adds to the problem as some parents usually set “specification of the kind of man or woman their children can marry in terms of looks, tribe, ethnicity, educational qualification and finance’’.

She, however, said that matchmaking outfits were trying to help eliminate these problems created by social ills and nature by creating a platform for singles to meet and have their dream marriages come true. (NAN)

Ways to keep up with a busy boyfriend

Love is a beautiful thing and one of the joys of being in love is spending time with your significant other but sometimes because of work and other commitments, that luxury of time might not be available.

When one person in the relationship is much busier than the other, that can put a huge strain on the relationship. You might be in different life situations, where your partner has a lot of things going on and you have a lighter schedule and want to spend your spare time with them.

This doesn’t mean your partner loves you any less, it simply means they have a lot on their plate.
Here are a few ways to cope with a busy partner;

1. Know Your Partners Schedule

This will let you know when they are truly free and when they need to be left alone to get on with things because this would help you to know exactly when their schedule can accommodate your calls or presence so you don’t feel like you’re bothering them.

2. Occupy Yourself With Activities

You need to engage yourself so you don’t feel the constant need to be around them 24/7.
Your partner has priorities, so get some of your own.
Don’t over react if they don’t call you 10 times a day and also try to understand if they don’t text back as fast as you’d like.

3. Meet Up With Friends

Find time to be around other friends and try your best to have fun while you’re out. It’s perfectly normal to feel disappointed at first because you were expecting them to be by your side all the time but don’t forget there are other people in your life who are just as important.