My name is Dennis Odusote and this is my true life story!
I notice I was a boring person and was drawn to male groupies than the females at a very tender age.
social interactions with the male folks was easier, natural and seamless for me than my social relations with the female. Well, this was beyond the normal same sex understanding thing, it was something that was more weighty. It was beyond the superficial ‘man-know-man-understanding’ as I find myself sexually attracted to them as well. It was like an external force had tampered with the sovereignty and reign in my life without my own permission and I was fast spinning out of control, so fast I could not help myself. It didn’t take long before I began to notice the absurdity and I knew that it is only a matter of time before others begin to raise suspicion as to my sexual orientation. The social cultural environment where I grew up did not help matters. I was conscious as conscious can get of my own predicament and how to go about my woes.
Homosexualism is a situation where one is sexually attracted solely or primarily to other member of the same sex. It is regarded as a taboo in the Nigeria culture where I was born. cutting across the ethnic groups, the hatred for gay or lesbianism or be it as it may is second to none.
A recent poll carried out in the country shows that over 87% percent of the Nigerian population has a very low tolerance for homosexuals in the country and to my mind I think the true ration is about 97% as Nigeria happens to be a very religious country.
However many has failed to realize that some are just victims of circumstances that befell them while growing up, only few who are not homosexuals are sympathetic to the situation facing the homosexuals.
My sexual orientation as an homosexual has its roots in my childhood when at a very tender age while in Primary school I was kidnapped, raped and molested by my kidnapper.
Up until recently, the trauma hunted me all my life, my sense of personal worth was eroded and I was steeped in depression for a long than I can remember myself. Tears always runs down my cheek every time I remember the pains I suffered that night from a man old enough to be my father. It was a day I wish I was never born.
The torment of hell gripped me for months, I had no peace at night and I was depressed for most part of the day with a self worth as low as the floor on which I walked for years.
At times when I remember all this now the only thought that permeates my mind is why he (Kidnapper) spared my life that night? It was must have been fatality and not fate, he should have strangled me after pleasing himself rather than keep me alive to endure a life of torment and reproach.
Although thoughts of suicide cross my mind often.
After the incident, few years later I discovered that I was attracted to more male friends perhaps probably because I could only relate to male groupies quicker than the females ones .
While I try to socialise with friends from the female gender, I am never pleased and most time irritated by their presence. It was then it dawned on me that I was in for much more trouble than I could fathom.
I had a friend back then in school that was very dear to me. We spent more time in each other’s company than with any other person whether male or female.
Before I could say Jack Robinson, I had began to develop sexual thought about my friend, thoughts that have crystallised into an uncontrollable sexual longings. I wanted to have a taste of him !
The guarantor I was staying with, in my high school said something about sexual orientation, but I never understood what it meant, I didn’t want them to suspect who I am, and how I react to people of same sex.
There was a kid I used to play with then, who I fondly touch and caress, but the father of the kid after finding out didn’t react the way other people would have reacted. I thought he would scream or put me away but he didn’t.
I later found out that he had the same sexual orientation as I did.
That was the genesis of my present predicament and continued even till I got admission to study at Benue State University.
I met a friend in the University and we were attracted to each other. We were hated by the community due to how we went about holding each other’s hands and many other public affections we displayed.
Sadly the community got my friend arrested by the ruler, and was killed by angry mobs in the community.
I luckily escaped but he could not, and that was how I lost my friend, may his soul rest in peace.
I was arrested few years back but I escaped and since then they kept looking for me to kill and I am still at large.
The family of my partner is also in search for me, believing that I was responsible for the death of their child.
If found I will be arrested and face the consequence of my sexual orientation; homosexuality and will probably be put to death, just as they did to my friend. I have to die for a circumstance that was beyond my control.
I am wanted in every nook and cranny for the nature of homosexuality. It is a crime life committed on me and my life hangs in the balance because of this. Every day I pray to God for help. Death is at my door and I am in search of who can save.
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