Did we mention it can be extremely difficult to orgasm during intercourse? We’re looking at 7 reasons why ladies sometimes fall short of fireworks in the bedroom… and what can be done to change that.
#1 She doesn’t know her body. Having good sex is all about exchanging information. Ooh, that feels good. Touch me there, like this, harder, slower, faster, and the list goes on. One of the biggest reasons why some women can’t seem to cum may stem from the fact that they don’t know their own body!
There are women in their 20s who still don’t know where their clit is or how to please it. Bottom line? If you can’t explain to your partner how you like to be touched, how are they supposed to please you?
The solution: Get to know yourself intimately. Start with your hands. Play with vibrators. Once you know what you like, you’ll be able to let your lover in on it! [Read: Going solo: The 15 sexy benefits of masturbation]
#2 Her partner doesn’t know her body. He’s fumbling around down there, rubbing your thigh, thinking he’s actually rubbing your vagina. Sound familiar? We sure hope not, but if this sounds like your sex life, then the problem may not be you, after all! It could be that your partner just doesn’t know how a vagina works. Like, at all.
The solution: Play a game of show and tell. If your man doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, odds are he learned his arsenal of moves from porn, and porn is a terrible teacher. Let him know where the clit is, what you like during foreplay, and exactly how much time you need to get warmed up before making your final boarding call!
#3 Changing positions too much. Changing it up in bed definitely adds an element of spice to your romp, but it isn’t always beneficial for the female involved. Women need consistency and continuous rhythms to reach orgasms, not to be uprooted every five minutes. While varying your sex positions may ensure that the man involved isn’t going to orgasm too quickly, it may have the same effect on the female partner. Where’s the fun in that?
The solution: Let your partner know beforehand what positions you’re up for, and in what order you’re going to want them. Say something like, “After I get nice and wet on top of you, I want you to bend me over and finish me off.” Just make your ideas sound sexy instead of instructive. Otherwise, you risk making your sex session sound completely void of spontaneity! [Read: 13 spice sex positions to heat up your bedroom romps]
#4 Skipping out on foreplay. There are two things women need in order to orgasm: time and foreplay. Don’t get us wrong, quickies are fun, but they don’t often end in orgasms. Not for the girl, anyway. That’s because women need time to get revved up, while a man is basically ready to cum on command.
For the woman, foreplay cuts down on the time it’s going to take her to orgasm during sex. No foreplay = not a great chance of climaxing.
The solution: Have lots of foreplay. Lots and lots. Oral, manual stimulation, grinding, kissing, you name it! Foreplay is essential for the female orgasm. One study of 3,900 guys and gals found that the more foreplay and varying acts done besides traditional intercourse *penis + vagina*, the more likely participants were to cum during sex play. [Read: Foreplay done right: The art of really turning her on]
#5 She’s distracted. Distractions are the worst. There’s nothing that can ruin sex quite like thinking about work, the bitchy comment your friend made via text, or the interesting new braid tutorial you saw on Pinterest. Sometimes, it can be difficult to focus during foreplay or intercourse, even if you’re really looking forward to crossing the finish line.
The solution: Stop thinking about other things. Easier said than done, we know, but try your best to focus on your partner! He loves how you look naked; otherwise, he wouldn’t be having sex with you. Also, stop thinking about the bills, the cat, whether you’re taking too long to O. Instead, start with a relaxing massage and put on a fantastic sex playlist. Feel like you’re going to take 30 minutes to cum? Be selfish, stop worrying, and enjoy every minute of it. [Read: How to increase passion in bed and get the sizzle back]