My wife and I have been married now for 32
years. Through many hours of relationship counseling I have
discovered this truth, Love Is Not Enough. Love is certainly
needed as it covers a multitude of faults and mistakes we all are
guaranteed to make for as long as we’re together. Loving your
spouse gets you off to a great start but living together requires a
greater understanding. Here are ten other ingredients of
understanding that I believe should be added to the love you have
for one another to assist in making your relationship truly work.

1. It Takes Two Every relationship needs the power of agreement, it
does not matter how much one wants to make it work, one is not
enough. Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together, unless they are
agreed?” If one is set on leaving the relationship, it is over. This
could come as a shock to you but it could save you plenty money
and years of heartache. If your spouse cannot give you the same
commitment you’re willing to give, bail out because it takes two.

2. It Takes Trust Trust is the glue that keeps the relationship
together, and when it is broken the magic of that glue is lost. I
could never over emphasize this point. Of course a relationship
can be restored after trust has been broken, but depending on the
situation it could take many years to gain back the momentum and
intimacy lost.

3. It Takes Time The two shall become one. We all
enter a relationship with history. If a couple enters into marriage
at the age of 25, they have 50 years of history to deal with
already. It takes time to unpack the junk in our trunk, but before
you focus on the junk in your spouse’s trunk, make sure yours is
clean. No exceptions!

4. It Takes Testing Every relationship will
and must be tested. A couple asked me to marry them as they
were so in love and claimed never to have had an argument. In
their minds, love was enough. I responded by praying, asking God
to send some trouble to test what their relationship was made of.
The following week the young lady came weeping to my office
because of what she had discovered about the man she was about
to marry. He was still married, with children, claiming he was in the
process of getting divorced. Against my advice and to her own
peril, she went ahead and married him. Needless to say that
marriage ended in divorce with untold pain and much trauma for
her. Every relationship must experience all four seasons. In the
spring and summer of courting, everything seems fresh and clean
with great potential. But to know what the relationship is truly
made of, it must experience and endure an autumn and a winter
cycle. That is the testing.

5. It Takes Talking Being talkative does
not equate to communication. Communication is a two way street.
Some men simply don’t know how to and some woman simply
don’t know when to. If the man is worn out dealing with the many
battles he has to face in his sometimes-crazy world, the last thing
he needs is to come home to a woman who simply does not know
when to stop talking. Knowing what to say is just as important as
knowing how and when to say it. It is for this reason you must
become friends. Friends communicate secrets, hopes and dreams.
Men share their ideas with friends instead of sharing them with
their wives. She is an incubator. Trust her to incubate your dreams
and ideas and help you deliver them.

6. It Takes Teaching Books like the ‘Five love languages’
and ‘Love and Respect’ will save you many years of heartache,
many years of frustration and many hours of counseling. As an
example, most of us have never been taught that, Love is the
primary wiring for a woman, and Respect is primary for a man.
Cross those wires and you will experience a lifetime of
misunderstandings and an endless cycle of craziness. It could
even result in your children never desiring a partner for marriage.
Let your cry be for more understanding rather than crying out for
more love.

7.It Takes An Understanding Of Your Territory Adam’s
role in the garden was to tend and keep it. Never let your spouse
receive more admiration, attention and love from someone other
than you. That is your responsibility. We all have needs and your
role in the marriage is to be sensitive to the needs of your spouse
and as much as depends on you, to meet them. Adam was so busy
working his assignment, that Eve found someone else to have a
conversation with in the garden. To keep the enemy from entering
your territory, you need to meet her need to talk. Ladies, men find
fulfillment in what they do, every man is wired that way. Yours is
to find ways to celebrate his accomplishments no matter how
small. Let him know how much you respect and admire him for
what he does. Never let him receive more compliments from
another woman over his dress or accomplishments. Be his
greatest cheerleader. We’re drawn to places where we are
celebrated, not simply tolerated. This is your marriage and that is
your spouse. Your responsibility is to guard your heart, your home
and your territory.

8. It Takes Truth I have witnessed many
couples that are good to each other but not good for one another.
They are too afraid to tell each other the truth, not wanting to rock
the boat. The truth is no one has it all together. The Word says to
speak the truth but do it in love. Facing the truth can be tough at
times, so instead we prefer to avoid it. People come for counsel
when the house is burning down, because they were too afraid to
put it out when it was a little fire in the corner of the yard. We are
called to be peacemakers not peacekeepers. Couples are tripping
over the many years of sweeping things under the carpet. Lift up
that carpet and sweep it out. Truth can hurt, but not dealing in
truth will utterly destroy your relationship.

9. It Takes a Target
You must have something to aim at. Where there is no vision a
marriage will perish or simply get worn out. Just because you’re
married does not mean you should have no vision for your life,
with clear goals for your future together. I have watched too many
relationships fail simply because the couple got married because
they were in love, but had no dream for their future. Others once
did, but after a few goals were accomplished, they simply drifted
apart and lost “The Why” they came together in the first place.
Starting off can be the toughest, there are so many things we need
to acquire like houses and cars and getting our children through
schooling. The amount of fuel and energy spent to simply get the
family moving in the right direction, takes its toll on most
marriages and couples easily get lost in the maze. Vision is
energy and the fuel every family needs. Refresh the vision, goals
and strategy as often as need be. Vision changes as the seasons
change. After 32 years of being together our aim is somewhat
different today. We had to refresh our vision to leave a legacy for
our children’s children. The vision to empower the next generation
of leaders, traveling abroad and writing books are now some of the
things we’re aiming for. In Conclusion May the love you have for
one another, the peace in your home and the enjoyment of this life
long journey become a reality because of this added knowledge to
your relationship.

Can the south east (Igbo speaking tribe) produce the next Nigerian President come 2023?
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  1. Hmmm

  2. ok good

  3. Ok

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