My wife is no more, A lesson to learn

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her
hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and
ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her
know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we
didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to
find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly
give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I
didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman
who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but
I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had
expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The
idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed
to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful
day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table
writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t
want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the
divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to
live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son
had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt
him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on
our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s
duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever
morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last
days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed
loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she
applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the
first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us,
daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the
door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her
eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded,
feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went
to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned
on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized
that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I
realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on
her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on
her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life
to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of
intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a
few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all
my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had
grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more
easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in
her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry
mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had
become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to
come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away
because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I
then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly
and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding
day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I
held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone
to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life
lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me
change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I
said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do
you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry,
Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably
because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because
we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I
carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to
hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake
up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst
into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop
on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote,
I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my
face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife
had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane
to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted
to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in
case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of
our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in
the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness
but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things
for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures
are people who did not realize how close they were to success
when they gave up.
Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is
nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even
if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the
perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely
ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is
indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but
not love.

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