I grew up in a home where there was no washing machine, no
such thing. My Mom was old fashioned, we always had to take
care of our laundry the traditional way – with our hands.

She taught me how to wash women’s clothings, sometimes she’ll
throw her bra into a bucket of hot water with some detergents and
say “boy, let it soak for 10minutes and wash it.” Oh yea it was
crazy, and I am not shy about this, I learnt the art of washing a
woman’s bra from my mother, she taught me how a woman’s bra
is quite different from other underwear, washing a bra is not the
same as washing a dress, too much squeezing slacks the edges,
there are key areas of focus when washing a bra, like the edges
right under the arm and the bust, and that bra’s are meant to be
washed regularly, one at a go, with a different water for each
wash, do not squeeze, just dry, same thing with a woman’s

I am not trying to give the uncles some effective bra washing
lessons, I’m just trying to show you how deep my mother took me
growing up as a kid, and like I said I am not shy to reveal these
things, not now, maybe back then when I used to be like “what!
Why do I need to do these things when she can do them herself?
This is punishment.” She was always insisting I do the bulk of the
chores, even when we had a paid maid living with us, which I
found ‘wickeding’, I never knew mama was teaching me how to be
a good husband, and how to treat my wife right.

She planted a strong mentality within me, “never let a woman do
more when you’re around” she would always say. So she
entrusted me with the duty of adding the right quantity of maggi,
pepper and salt in the soup while she cooks. It is not also easy to
forget that the responsibility of stirring the soup was also mine. We
shared the task of pounding the crayfish, many times I had to run
home early from school to steam the meat and wait for her to get
back from work and decide what to cook with it.
“Never let a woman do more when you’re around.” – this kept on
growing inside me.

I remember one Saturday morning I woke up at 6am and made
breakfast for her in bed. It was fried plantain and some angry
looking eggs with a cup of tea, although half of the plantain was
burnt, but I can still remember the look on mom’s face when I
woke her up to a burnt offering in a tray; Priceless. Never let a
woman do more, and it stuck to me.

My mother always insisted I wash her clothes rather than the
maid, and I unconsciously grew up with it. I never let her wash her
own cloths when I am around, funny how she’ll always pile them
up for me, but the beautiful thing about this is the fact that she
never let’s me wash them alone, while her son washes, his mom
rinses and dries them off, shared duty. Not only was she teaching
me how to be a good husband, she was also teaching me what to
expect from a good wife — she never let’s her man do ‘the more’

No lies guys, even until this moment I never let her do anything
when I am around, it hurts me to see her lift a bucket of water, let
alone wash, not when I still have hands. Sometimes when I call
that I am coming over to the house I know that she searching her
bedroom for dirty clothes and heeps them up for me, her son is
coming over, and when I get there I take off my fancy suit, roll up
my sleeves, and bend down to wash till the last one, with so much
joy! Well, with all her kitchen lessons I still don’t know how to cook
wonderful meals, my fried plantain still comes out looking like
burnt offerings, but I know how to never let my woman do more
when I am around, and even when I am away I’m always thinking
‘how can I help her reduce the load.’

I know how to help out in the kitchen, I know how to put the right
quantity of salt and maggi to taste. I know how to pound the
crayfish and how to slice the vegetables, wifey needs not worry
about that because my mother taught me how to be a good
multitask partner. I know how to steam the meat before she
comes home and decides what to cook with it. I could stop by the
market too on my way home from work and get the ingredients, I
know exactly what to buy, and I am not too shy to ask around the
market for the ones I might not know.

I know how to be a ‘WIFE’ when she’s too strong to be one.. I
know how to get out of bed early to make breakfast for her and the
kids. I know how to treat her clothing, I know she can trust me
with her undies when she’s indisposed to do it herself, I know how
to wash them real good as much as I know how to deliciously take
them off her waist(If you know what I mean) I
know how shared responsibility makes marriage easier, I know
how to tidy up the kitchen while she sets the dinner table, I know
how to be a good husband as well as I know how to treat a good
wife right.

I wish more mothers could teach their sons how to be good
husbands the same way they are focused on teaching their
daughters how to be good wives. The marriage equilibrium will
never be balanced if the wives know what to do and the husbands
know nothing. Men need to be taught how to give as much and
even more than they recieve. And even though it seems like some
of our parents have failed in this area it is our responsibility to
teach ourselves how to love, and to teach our own children too.

Dear uncles,
Cc: Dear aunties too
It is not love if it is always convenient for you to give. One of the
many ways your love will be proven is through your act of
sacrifice, you have to learn how to give, your time, your love, your
service, your commitment, and your prayers, when it is convenient,
and especially when it is not. Marriage is not 50/50, whoever sold
us that theory lied to us, marriage is about giving your all, the full
100yards, everything without reserve, we give as much and even
more, there is no such thing as a percentage, love has no price, no
limits, no degree, it cannot be measured by numbers and scales,
the unit of love is SACRIFICE. You never stop giving, because God
is a giver, and as He is, so are we.

1 Comment

  1. She can do more if she wishes.

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