Part of what dealt with me in my first relationship is that i did not
have money. I am going to judge myself. I honestly thought love,
devotion and unflinched faithfulness was enough.
Through the course of that short relationship, i learnt more than anybody could teach me about relationships. He had spent less than 60k and i did not give much myself. Honestly, i had felt it would only last a short while before i would put my act together.
When finally the relationship did end, he reminded me of every kobo he had spared. That hit me harder than the breakup itself. I resolved three things: First, i would quit taking money from anyone who wanted a committed relationship with me. At least if i did not have much, i
make do with the one i have till i can change my life by myself This could change in two scenarios, if i got married or i was courageous enough to get into relationships whose reward was only money based. The basis was that money disappeared from the equation if we were committed to each other and i did not have my own to give back. It will save me the worry and the headache of literal reciprocation.
The probability of getting married reduced. I resolved to enjoy life,
be happy. If i stumbled on anyone who made me happy, i would agree to marry him, but that would not be in my plans because It was not compulsory and most Nigerian men used the promise of marriage to ruin many people. If a man wants to marry me, i would not stop him but i would not be quick to lose myself in the mere promise of it.
I may spend the next few years self developing, getting more papers, enjoying my own life. A thorough sense of independence was key too. Not just financially but psychologically. I needed to know that my emotional stabilty, happiness and welbeing was entirely my business. That though i may love others, it was wiser not to expect from them. In a year’s time, i would be done with school, start doing everything i wanted to do. I do not take people’s kindness to me for granted. I
cannot tell a story i have not experienced.
It is therefore baffling to me that people are excusing financial
independence for women before marriage. You people are joking. If at all i would marry at all at all, i would at least make sure i have a skill. Even if i have to do a hand work. It must not be white collar. I should have a job. Whether its white collar or not. I dont get this continuing tradition of total dependence on men.
If i should marry, i plan to be richer than my husband even. I dont
want that sense of vulnerability. I have been there, had relatives who are still there even now. There are women who for all the years they have been married have no bank accounts. I know how delibating that can be. I know how it made me feel even though it was just a relationship, i know how powerless i felt.
It only looks good on the outside, when you are in, you go hear am. The guilt, vulnerability, the pain, worthlessness, etc, etc. Women, refuse it when they sell you that lie! Refuse it! If you dont have a job, hand work, business in your name,dont marry.