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lady’s tweet has made waves these past days on IG. She
tweeted complaining about spending a thousand five hundred on
fish. She said she was not sure she could do the ‘feminist/
independent woman’ stuff anymore. Whether it be a joke or real,
there is a lot to draw from. So here is a letter to myself and other
women like me.
Dear independent woman,
For so long, this title has gained us our rights back, for that we are
grateful. It came like a movement, started making headway and
every single human with the XY chromosome decided to join the
band wagon. Fair enough, it is a good cause but a good number
had no idea what the title entails nor did they plan on living like the
independent women. It is like having a form of ‘religion’ but
neglecting its power. Deciding to pick and choose which part of it
we want and which to bin.
We cannot eat our cake and have it. If we demand equal respect
with the men, we may as well take equal responsibility. If we claim
to be independent women, it may help if we learn the words
Independent means to NOT be under another person’s control, it is
synonymous to being self-reliant, autarkic, and the ability to stand
on ones own two feet.
If you claim to be an independent woman, live like one.
Over the years I have learnt to be completely financially dependent
on one man – my dad. Even though I have slowly learnt to be
independent of him, he is the only man I can call and request for
money and be angry if I don’t get it at my own time. My brothers –
blood brothers – I LOAN money from them and RETURN it.
I have NEVER asked a man who isn’t my dad for money with no
plans of returning it, NEVER!
Having lived like this, I can confidently tell you that the best money
to have and to spend is YOUR MONEY.
Anytime I spent money I worked hard for, I feel a sense of
satisfaction. I feel a sense of independence, self-worth, something
within me tells me ‘I worked hard for this.’
I am not a fan of fish, but there are times I feel a sort of craving
for anything ranging from ‘suya’ to wine and everything in
between, not always, just once in a while. I take my money and
buy suya and some drinks, go back to my house and have it as
dinner. No one needs to know my cravings much more be bothered
by it!
I once knew a lady who wore ‘independent woman’ on her
forehead like a banner, a badge of honour or something. A
conversation hardly goes by without her dropping the line
‘independent woman’ so much so that I though she had only
recently learnt the word yet, for every outing, she has to call a
man. She said she has never paid to get into a night club, guys
always pay. She can make everyone after getting dressed, to sit
and wait until the guy paying for the cab is ready and the guy
paying for the games and drinks. God! I have never seen someone
like that. But the independent woman banner isn’t the only one she
wore. She tagged herself a Sapiosexual yet she gives the dumbest
arguments and is the worst person to carry a conversation with,
she was shallow minded and very unwilling to learn.
I am not claiming self righteousness, but I believe in practising
what I preach.
So dear Independent woman, before you claim the title, make sure
you walk the talk. Make sure you have experienced the joys of
using your money on yourself, for one day you die and your next of
kin will use all of your life’s saving and eat suya and drink bobo.
Know that it is okay to share responsibilities in your house. That it
is okay to one day buy a bag of rice for your parents – if you still
live with them. Or pay the children’s tuition fees if you are
The most annoying one for me is when the women make it like it
is solely the duty of a father to provide for his children, like he
made them alone. Equal rights equate equal responsibilities.
So dear woman, today..
Love yourself
Take yourself out
Pay for your holiday
Pay for you manicure
Pay for your hair
Buy yourself flowers
Buy yourself chocolates
Treat yourself to some spa day
Know how it feels to use your money on yourself, let’s be the
independent women we all claim to be, not by words ~ by action.
May the dignity that accompanies the title, be felt in our aura.

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  1. Hmm

  2. Very good update

  3. Nice one ok

  4. Ok

  5. Nice post

  6. Only women with determination are independent

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