This is the most important thing in marriage and not your kids

Uncle Tunde grinned when he saw his daughter, Aduni and the
husband Kehinde walked into the house. The old man, was on one
of his rare visits to his daughter and in-law. He had to succumb
after several pleas from his in-law to move from the confines of
Ijebu to Lagos to spend the Easter Holidays. This his in-law
believed he needed to comfort the old man from loneliness after
his wife’s demise three months ago.
After dinner that evening, he whispered to his son in law that if
they don’t mind, he would love to have a quick word with the
couple after the children have gone to bed.
By 9pm, the couple was back to the dinner table to hear what the
old man had to say.
He started by asking them a simple question “What is the most
important thing in your life Aduni? She replied, “Daddy, it is the kids
oo, they mean everything to me”. He then turned and asked
Kehinde, the son in law the same question, he also beaming with
pride said: “it is the kids of course; they are the reason why I work
so hard to ensure they have a better life”.
Uncle Tunde replied, well said my children, I don’t mean to intrude
on how to run your family life, but I believe there is a fundamental
error you would need to correct. He said “I have observed how
much you both love your kids and dedicate all your time for them.
Forgive me if I have eavesdropped a couple of times, but doesn’t
all your conversation bother mostly on the kids? The coupled
stared sheepishly in admission to the assertion.
He continued, I am a poultry farmer, and the biggest egg supplier
in my district. I make my money by the quantity of eggs sold. That
said, my priority has always been providing optimal care for the
chicken. Because I know that when the chicken are healthy and
productive, the eggs will come automatically be bountiful. If I start
to ignore the chicken, the eggs will also suffer.
He pointed to Kehinde and said, “as a husband, the most important
person in your life should be your wife and vice versa. It cannot be
the kids. They are just products of the marriage. If you learn to
take care of each other very well, your kids would grow up healthy,
strong and successful, but if you ignore each other, brace yourself
up for dysfunctional kids in the future. The two of you are the
foundation of this family. If you suffer any form of crack, the
whole house will go down. So please make time for yourself and
treat each other as VIPs and the kids will be just fine.
This has been the secret of the fruitful union between your mum
and I for over 50 years till death took her from me. The old man
couldn’t help it but began to shed tears at this stage. He thanked
the couple for their time and excused himself to his room.
I am sure most married couples can identify with this story, where
the focus shifts 100% to the kids and barely have time for each
other. They later are amazed they lose the magic connection
between them. If care is not taken, those connection needs gets
outsourced, thereby opening up your marriage to all sorts of
strange elements and even divorce.
Let your kids know and feel that your spouse means the world to
you and if you are to choose between them and your spouse, it will
always be your spouse.
Give the kids the love and attention they deserve but not at the
expense of each other. You are the real deal. It is your marriage
that will sustain your kids, not vice versa. The kids are just bonus!!!
We all need major changes in our marriage and family life. Best
wishes.

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3 Comments

  1. It’s good

  2. Good update

  3. Good

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