There are three categories of weddings I will never attend.
1. If I don’t get an invitation. This means that no matter how close we are, if I don’t get an invitation formal or informal, I won’t come. This includes anyone thinking an invitation card made out to my parents automatically includes me. This is to invite Dr & Mrs Madaki to the solemnisation of……. Yeah that right there, my name isn’t on the card. I love to think I am old enough to be my own person, please don’t invite/tell my parents and ask me why I was absent at your wedding.
And to think some people grumble that a wedding is strictly on IV, fam, make your wedding strictly on IV and don’t invite me, I shall be at home chilling. Netflix and chill alone…except this will be Startimes/GoTv and chill.
2. If I do not personally know either the bride or the groom. This means that even if I know their parents, I highly doubt I will be present at such weddings. Yes, I may send them presents like a kitchen gadget, but I strongly doubt my presence will add any value to such occasion.
In all fairness, I feel a wedding is more between the young man and woman but Nigerians make it 2 mummies and 2 daddies affair (Fathers and mothers of bride and groom).
Big shout out to my cuz Princewill Ibrahim, he is getting married Saturday..whoop whoop… I was more than impressed with his wedding invite. I didn’t ask his permission to share so I can’t share it but basically it says Princewill Ibrahim and *insert bride’s name* invite you to their wedding, period! The whole thing about the family of Late Mr, Barr, Rev Fr, Bishop, Arc, Acct, Nurse, Smooth Sandpaper and Late Snr Apostle, Prof, Cmr, Phd, Rt Rev, Sct, Pharm, Engr, Air vice-marshal, Dr Cotton Woodwork invite you to the wedding of their children, what?
I mean my Igbo people, I like you lots but you guys took it up a notch by adding ….. the daughter of ….. the palm wine tapper from Abo village, Isialangwa local government, Umuahia North, Aba South, Abia State. Chai! Well done my people.
3. If I feel my presence or absence thereof will have no impact. What’s the point really? Here is a fact about me: I hate weddings, no joke! I doubt I have been to 8 weddings my whole adult life. The very first wedding I attended from start to finish was Kitty Walker’s…. because…..uhm she is Kitty Walker? Lol. Nigerian weddings are enjoyable, but to me, I have a limit to it. The good afro beat becomes noise to me when I get tired. The aunty hoarding food like Buhari’s poverty starts and ends in her house, another aunty falling off her chair trying to reach for a bottle of plastic coke (no joke, it happened this year at a traditional wedding I went to), needless to say, I died laughing. Shout out to my Yoruba folks, you guys like food too much.
I missed my sister’s wedding last year and it happened without me so I think I can miss anyone’s. My absence shouldn’t stop a wedding unless I am the bride.
And with the way I feel towards the whole ceremony, I may consider signing a paper with my groom and then going home! No joke!
Happy hump day people!